When Old Tools Do More Harm Than Good

My daughter, Emerson, told me her glasses weren’t “working anymore.” She was having trouble seeing things far away. I didn’t think this was tween speak for “emergency,” so I waited it out. But when she mentioned it a second time, I made an appointment with our optometrist.

When Emerson explained what she had been experiencing, the doctor said, “Your eyesight has probably improved.” I couldn’t imagine how this could be true, but after a series of rapid flips of glass circles and questioning in between clicks (“Better one, or better two?”), the optometrist turned to me and said, “Yep, her eyes are better.”

Apparently, she had a growth spurt, and her eyes lengthened—a change that actually improved her vision. She wasn’t seeing as well because her glasses weren’t the right prescription anymore. (Confession: we had learned her prescription had changed a bit on her last visit, but not enough for her frugal mother to justify buying new frames. Now, with even more change to her eyes, her glasses were offering her about as much clarity as a muddy windshield. Just call me Mother of the Year.)

This experience made me think about personal growth. We can all have clouded vision if we continue using a tool meant to correct an issue we no longer have. I used to have my own pair of ill-fitting “glasses.” I relied heavily on my accomplishments and the affirmation of others to guide my self-perception. I looked through the lens of people’s approval to determine how I was doing. For a while, it worked. Made the Dean’s List? See, I am smart. My friends say I’m a great mom? I must be. Always on time for appointments? I am a great time manager! Although my sense of significance shone brightly from these accolades, the method was not sustainable. It demanded perfection from me and ongoing “atta-girls” from friends, neither of which were realistic day after day.

In the midst of my striving, God gently showed me that basing my worth on performance was not only an ineffective approach, but it no longer fit me (a new creation, 2 Cor. 5:17). Jesus paid a high price for me to experience significance, acceptance, worthiness, and unconditional love. When I look to the fickle hearts of others or my own accomplishments for these, I have cheapened the gift freely given to me.

We have a choice to focus on ourselves & others or to set our eyes on God and his perfect love. When I think of it like this, the choice seems easy, yet I have to intentionally choose again and again to fix my eyes solely on Christ. If I find myself looking for affirmation somewhere other than in Christ and the finished work of the cross, I must listen for the gentle whispers of the Holy Spirit. He reminds me of my worth in him. He created me, after all, and is the highest power and authority over all things, not just me.

“In Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority” (Col. 2:10 NIV).

His view of me matters most, and his is the only reflection I want to see when I look at myself. I am complete in him, and I don’t need a list of endorsements to prove it.

Knowing it’s not up to me to prove myself by clearing hurdles and receiving rave reviews is a relief. This doesn’t mean I won’t forget from time to time and reach for my old specs, but hopefully I’ll remember to take them off before I knock anything over or bump into anyone.

Melinda Mattson will follow any sign that leads to the promise of vintage décor and repurposed treasures. As a wife and mom to two dear daughters, her home is filled with equal measures of sugar and spice. She loves kindness and Jesus and is glad they’re meant to come as a package deal. She aims to embrace both with equal fervor. Melinda blogs at www.melindamattson.com.