Does God Decide Your Portion, or Do You?
Virginia was hit hard with snow this year. Our boys, ages ten and a half and nine, have had two extended winter breaks from school—the normal Christmas break and then an additional extended break, when my nerves were a little raw one morning as we entered the Y.
Our conversation went like this:
“Elijah, watch the clock today. I want you out of the pool by 10:30. I don’t want to have to pull you out.”
“Okay, so you want us out of the pool, dressed, and waiting on the couches for you at 10:30?”
“No, I said get out of the water at 10:30.”
As I headed to the treadmills, I was a little annoyed, wondering why Elijah tried to make everything so complicated. As I reflected on the fact that similar conversations had occurred throughout the week, it clicked with me that I was seeing a trend. When I asked the boys to pick up their clothes off the floor, they extended the request to include vacuuming and dusting. I figured they were bored, so I didn’t think much of it. Another time I asked them to clean up their Nerf guns. This project turned into a complete reorganization of the basement. Again, I thought they were bored.
As I considered this new trend, I realized my sons were reflecting a behavior I had modeled extensively to them over the previous few weeks. When life gets stressful, I tend to overcompensate. I ignore the reminders of Scripture and try to carry the load myself. This isn’t a good habit, yet I’ve ignored it over the years. Seeing my kids picking up this habit was the red flag I needed to address it.
For me, David says it all in Psalm 16:5–8 (NIV).
Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup;
you make my lot secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I will praise the Lord, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
I keep my eyes always on the Lord.
With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
[Tweet “In the good times, it’s easy for me to worship God.”] I grew up in the church and learned at an early age to be thankful when life is going smoothly. The really bad times have taught me to press into God. Seasons of personal wilderness and deep worry have allowed me to see God repeatedly answer my prayers. He’s provided financially when the numbers didn’t add up, pointed me toward doctors who knew how to heal my body, and protected me in more ways than I’m probably aware of.
Most of the time, my life scenarios are somewhere between running perfectly and despair. [Tweet “In stressful times, I find I occasionally change what I think my portion should look like.”] I act as if God needs my help to “make my lot secure.” I love the way The Message version of the Bible interprets Psalm 16: 5–6: “My choice is you, God, first and only. And now I find I’m your choice! You set me up with a house and yard. And then you made me your heir!”
The boundaries God lays out don’t seem to be enough and, like my kids, I add conditions. Elijah added additional tasks to my request to get out of the pool. I do the same thing in my own way. If I’m feeling guilty for losing my temper, instead of just apologizing, I extend my devotional time. When someone gossips about me, I forget God promises us in Exodus 14:14, “The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still” (NIV). I instead feel the need to defend myself.
The Message version of Psalm 16:7–8 says, “The wise counsel God gives when I’m awake is confirmed by my sleeping heart. Day and night I’ll stick with God; I’ve got a good thing going and I’m not letting go.”
When the need to be in control rears itself, I add tasks to the requests God lays before me. I forget he has already chosen me and that when I rest in him, all is well. He calls me to love my neighbor, and for me that turns into throwing a barbecue that leaves me overwhelmed and exhausted. God calls me to tell others about him, and I look to squeeze in another Bible study instead of simply loving someone.
When Elijah added a list of additions to my request, it frustrated me. I repeated the original request, reminding him of the boundary I established. My boys trust me and understood the request I stated was exactly what I was asking of them. They had a great time swimming and exited the pool at 10:30.
The same is true for me when I remember to keep my eyes on God and take him at his word.
Beth Walker is a football coach’s wife and mom of two energetic boys. As a writer, Beth has been striving to find her own voice through pursuing Jesus, personal life reflection, and her ministry encouraging college women to grow in their relationships with God. She blogs at lessonsfromthesidelines.wordpress.com.
