What We Can Learn from Mary: Grief and Loss at the Foot of the Cross

The mother of Jesus sat on the ground. Her tears fell into the dirt. Above her, Mary’s firstborn son was dying, nailed to a wooden cross. The deafening crowd was shouting “Crucify him!” The disciples had scattered, leaving only John by her side.

The chilling sight of her son, beaten and dying, must have shaken Mary to the core. I can picture her kneeling at the foot of the cross, taking in his violent death.

I often ponder what Mary thought, from her place there on the ground, the deafening shouts of the crowd filling the air around her. The mocking, the taunting, the resulting heartache.

One week earlier, some of the same voices could be heard shouting praises to Jesus. “Blessed is he who comes in the name of the Lord!” How could they turn against him so quickly? How could the blessings turn to curses?

I wonder, did Mary question God’s plan? Could she still trust a God who allowed the living promise she carried in her womb to be beaten and killed? Where would she go from here? Would she still follow a God who fell silent?

For three days, darkness pressed in on Mary. The bitter mourning must have crushed her in ways we can’t imagine. Her grief must have been filled with questions.

Followers of Christ aren’t immune to dark days. The pain of life can press in and make us feel as if we’re being crushed. The question I ask myself is, do I only believe when I’m feeling joyful? [Tweet “Do I still follow Jesus willingly when the path grows thorny and rough?”]

For the past several months, losses have piled onto the life of my family. It started with a tragic shooting at our local community college. For days the international media descended on our small community to report on the death toll, debate politics, and speculate. Everyone showed up too late to stop the carnage but in time to exploit the pain of our rural community.

On that same day I started training at a new job. The position is full of stress and responsibility with a steep learning curve. Even on the best of days, the training alone can take a toll on me.

We had no idea that the next three months would mean my husband would lose his job as a pastor (which meant losing our faith community too), or that my father would be diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and pass away five days into the new year.

These days are very dark for me.

It’s easy to wonder how this kind of darkness can descend when we are following our Savior. When we have hung on every word, trusted his teachings, and said, “Yes. I will follow you.”

Christ followers speak often of “sitting at Jesus’ feet.” I think we most often picture Mary, Martha’s sister, listening to Jesus teaching while her sister toiled in the kitchen. We forget that Mary, Jesus’ mother, sat at his feet too.

Mary sat through the pain, hearing his voice as he cried out in agony. As he wept for a fallen world and begged forgiveness for those who nailed him to the cross, there she sat. For three days afterward, she waited.

As my own days have turned dark, I’ve found it hard to sit at Jesus’ feet. When suffering becomes part of the plan, I wonder how I’ll get through the days. Grief allows so few moments to rest. When the nature of my own schedule leaves very little space to breathe, I find myself wondering, when will the darkness lift? If it remains, how will I manage the strength to hold on?

For Mary, there were three excruciating days of mourning that I cannot fathom. No matter how hard I try, the depth of her grief escapes me. Yet I have no reason to believe she gave up, because she hadn’t given up when the resurrection came. Mary didn’t run away; she was there to greet Jesus when the time was right.

Jesus came back just as he promised, and he continues to be present with us, his followers, during every difficult day. So I will stay here. I will listen for his voice and embrace him.

Like Mary, I will not only cling to the promise, I’ll hold close to what he has already done.

Jemelene Wilson is a passionate storyteller who writes of faith, hope, love, and food. She’s madly in love with her pastor husband and mama bear to two daughters. Grace is a fairly new concept she is exploring with her life and words. Mama Jem believes we should live gently and love passionately. You can find more of her writing at jemelene.com.