Loving Her Means Loving Me
“You’re such a beautiful little girl.”
“You look just like your mommy.”
I cringe when I hear these two things strung together in the same sentence. I have long fought the urge to call myself ugly or goofy or whatever standard I didn’t meet that day. Anything but pretty. When I hear someone say this to my daughter, it challenges me to see beyond the lies I tell myself. Over and over again, I hear the words of perfect strangers who mean well:
“You’re such a beautiful little girl.”
“You’re so pretty.”
My daughter and I always say thank you and go on about our day. What she doesn’t know is that those words replay in my mind. I find it endearing when the cashier or the post office clerk compliments her. I believe and echo every word they say—that is, until they attach them to me.
“You’re a beautiful young woman. Wow, you look so much like your mom.”
This is when what they say suddenly becomes hard to hear. I know the words are true. And I love that she looks like me. It’s just that it took me many, many years to be able to look at myself in the mirror and see anything beautiful.
My daughter is beautiful. When I look at her, my heart fills up in ways it never has before. I think back to when I was little like her, and I wish I had just a fraction of the confidence she has. I dream she will grow up knowing how to fill her heart and soul with God’s truth and not with the world’s lies. I ache for her to continue to find joy and happiness in being uniquely herself.
Today she came home from school so happy and shared with me that her friend made her smile by saying, “I like you because you’re goofy.” I love how loved that made her feel.
It is amazing how the love I have for my daughter and all the qualities I admire about her are qualities I have too—ones I’ve used to tell myself I’m not good enough. My girl has taught me to be gentler with myself, to view myself through another pair of eyes, and to love the things about myself that are a little bit goofy because chances are, that’s why other people love me.
It’s going to be a lot easier the next time a gas station clerk strings together those two sentences:
“You’re a beautiful young lady. You look so much like your mama.”
It will be about so much more than the physical attributes they’re noticing. I’ll be able to admit that what I love about her is what I love about me. I can’t think of a more beautiful gift we could give to each other. By loving her, I am loving me.
Aubrey Stout is a wife and mom living in the suburbs of Atlanta, determined to extend grace to everyone she meets. She cherishes time with her family, enjoys conversations with friends, and taps into her creative side when an idea strikes. She blogs at acceptingaubrey.blogspot.com.
Very well said. I’ve been so challenged to make sure I raise my girls with the correct thoughts about what they look like. I always say to my daughter when she is complimented on how she looks, “And you know what the most beautiful part of you is? Your heart.”
This is great! I have three little girls so this post is close to my own heart as well! So much truth. Confidence is very important in our house. I long for my girls to be confident in who God created them to be, but sometimes it’s easier said than done right?! Thank you for this! I loved it!
This is so true for so many of us mom’s and I love, love, love this Aubrey.
You are beautiful inside and out! You not only have a beautiful appearance, but your heart is even more beautiful. You are a treasure and a rarity in life. I’m so honored and grateful that I get the privilege to know you. xoxo PS – We DO all love you because you’re goofy! 🙂
Beautiful and true
I loved this! Your adoration and love for your daughter will be passed down to her and is surely felt by her. She will grow up believing she is beautiful and worthy. What amazing grace to be able to see yourself in her face and be able to say, I guess I’m beautiful too and the things I love about her are the things that I possess too. You betcha Mama – you are beautiful! Thanks for sharing an important message.
What a wonderful message, Aubrey! While I don’t have a daughter with whom to share these experiences, I have experienced similar feelings with some of my students over the years. I find that I learn more about myself from watching them and agree with you that I wish I had their confidence when I was that age! Thanks for sharing your thoughts; you are a beautiful woman and a beautiful writer!
Wendi, I love that you are pointing to your daughter’s heart when she gets a compliment. She will always know she is beautiful from the inside out.
Rachel, so much easier said than done. My daughter taught me that my confidence in who God created me to be was right there waiting for me to see it and embrace it. There’s been a learning curve in this process, but a one I’ll be forever grateful I didn’t run and hide from. Thank you for sharing TGT with me today.
Debbie! How I adore thee! Your friendship has been one of the best gifts I have ever been given. Thank you for knowing all of me, and still loving me! I love you too!
“Beautiful and true.” Yes. Sometimes it really is as simple as that. Thank you for reading, Margaret.
SusanJill, “What amazing grace to be able to see yourself in her face and be able to say, I guess I’m beautiful too…” She undoubtedly has taught me what grace is. When I started to realize that what I thought were my weaknesses were actually my strengths—I’m sure God did a little dance of joy! haha!
I let my daughter read this when she got home and she said it was, “beautiful and made her feel special.” Her affirmation made me feel beautiful and special. Thank you for spending time with me today!
Stacy, I adore you and love that you learn how to be a better woman from your students. You are one amazing friend and teacher. Thank you for being apart of my journey to a better me! Love you friend!
As the mom of a daughter for just over 24 hours now, these are words of wisdom I will take to heart. What beautiful insight.
I was surprised that someone as stunning and as beautifull (inside and out) as you would not feel the utter confidence you deserve. I too struggle with similar thoughts. The memory of being told as an awkward teenager that I was a beautiful “little girl” seemed to imply that I had grown into ugliness. Now I know many of those self doubts were my own interpetation… Be strong and proud, you and Ausha are fabulous in every way.
Pam, I am a little bit speechless on the pow your comment packed. It has me thinking differently about the way we praise our daughters.We can’t be so stuck on the past, that we forget about the *now*. You talked about how people made you feel when they told you what a “beautiful little girl” you were, but then they didn’t affirm your beauty when you were a teen. I’m sorry that made you to feel as though you had “grown into ugliness.” I know with 100% certainty you have always been beautiful. I pray that as I continue to raise my daughter that I remember to affirm her in the now. This is such an aha! moment for me Pam! God always affirms us in the now.
Thank you for coming and sharing your heart with me. Sending my love to you and Scarlett.
Jennifer, You have my heart, dear one. Thank you for coming and reading my words despite the fact that you are a brand new mama! I could not be any more excited to watch you be a mommy. xoxo
Aubrey – beautiful and true sentiments! As a mother, grandmother and a new great-grandmother, your words will be with me always. I think we even touched on this subject in our recent conversation at the grocery store.