A Mile Wide and an Inch Deep

I didn’t rush out and buy a red convertible, so my mid-life crisis wasn’t obvious. The tipping point was sending my youngest off to full-day kindergarten two years ago. I drove home that morning without a preschooler in tow for the first time in twenty years. The empty car was filled with my racing thoughts.

The plan I put in motion during college was to get a teaching degree (check), put my career on hold to stay home with my babies (check), and then head back to the classroom full time. That day in the car, my pencil was poised to make the third checkmark on my plan, but suddenly, I wasn’t sure I still wanted number three to be on the list.

The responsible planner in me (I’m a typical firstborn) recoiled at the possibility that I might consider “wasting” my degree by not making it a career. But there was something in my spirit I couldn’t ignore, something asking questions about the next twenty years. I needed to ferret out a laser-sharp focus so I would know I was still following God’s specific plan for me, Lori Florida. Hence, the mid-life crisis. For the past two decades, it seemed like I had a pocketful of “somedays” to accomplish anything. Now I felt as if I was choosing my swan song, the final long note I was going to play with my life. I felt desperate to avoid the winds of should and could and get to the end of my life realizing I missed something bigger.

The truth is, we can’t do everything. We can’t even do everything at which we are competent. The status quo is to be a mile wide and an inch deep by assuming we should do everything we could do. [Tweet “If we want to be a mile deep, we need to be women who have an eye for God’s calling.”]

The beginning of this school year became my resolution time. Our family has always had a priority list posted inside the kitchen cabinet. We use it to make decisions as a family. That seemed like a good start for me. It was time for the tried-and-true priority list to get personal. I posted my list next to the family list for easy reference. It looks like this:

God is calling me to commit my time and energy to these things, in this order, in these ways:

• Him: time, devotion, writing, being mentored
• Family: 
  • Wife and mother: time, homemaking, teaching, celebrating
  • Daughter and sister: time, help, hospitality
• Church: mentoring, counseling, writing, speaking
• Hometown: serving, advocating, writing, speaking
• The World: serving, advocating, writing, speaking

I said no to two job opportunities this month. I was flattered to be asked and excited about the contributions I could make to both projects.  I wrestled and worried for a solid week and couldn’t achieve clarity on either of them, until I had a conversation with my mom. Talking them through with her made the answer crystal clear, because she helped me get back to my priority list. The list gave me a confident answer.

As I delivered my no‘s, I was surprised to discover another emotion riding shotgun to my confidence: the exhilaration that accompanies freedom. My no’s were an emphatic yes to my list and therefore, to the places my heart wants to be.

What about you? Are you saying yes to things just because you don’t know how or why you should say no? Are you going a mile deep with something that makes your heart beat fast? Have you wrestled through the way you should be uniquely serving the world? Your list will almost certainly be different from mine, as it should. What a beautiful thing to have all of our songs playing in harmony rather than in unison. It’s an adrenaline rush to live on purpose, friends—let’s do it! Start with these simple questions to get your list going:

1. What role has God given to you alone, for example, the role of wife? If you are married, you are the only person who can be your husband’s wife. He is depending on you.
2. What is God’s specific calling to you in this season of your life? Let this take time to roll around in your mind and spirit until God makes His answers clear.

The direction of my swan song has been charted. I don’t know exactly what the final product will look like, but a new peacefulness is starting to settle into my soul. I know that whatever my remaining years hold, they’re going to be useful to the kingdom, and they’re going to be beautiful. Those assurances are much more satisfying to me than a red convertible!

Lori Florida’s life is all about her people. She’s convinced that being Mrs. to one and Mommy to eight will be her most significant way to serve Jesus. She wants to use her life to cheer on and coach the women coming behind her. Lori blogs at loriflorida.com.