Why We Need to Love Ourselves

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’” (Matt. 22:37-39 NIV)

What does it mean to love our neighbors as ourselves? Inherent in Jesus’ command is the requirement that we love ourselves. In order to love someone else well, I must first love me. How hard can it be?

Surprisingly, it may be harder than you realize.

We typically don’t need reminders to avoid oncoming traffic or encouragement to eat delicious food since looking out for ourselves superficially is natural. But loving ourselves with Christlike devotion requires a deeper level of self care that doesn’t always come easily. It seems we’ve lost something in the translation, as we’re more apt to interpret this verse as a command to extend grace and kindness to others, and we forget that the command to love ourselves is inherent within Christ’s command to love others.  Loving ourselves well isn’t indulgent or carnal; it is expected. God expects us to love ourselves, so let’s make sure we do—in ways that honor Him.

God’s love is patient and kind and doesn’t keep a record of wrongs (1 Cor. 13). What if we praised our own progress and kept no account of personal shortcomings? What if we believed the best of ourselves rather than scolded ourselves for blunders?

I’ve learned to treat myself the way I treat my friends. When I make a misstep, I remind myself that I need rest, quiet time, and a fresh start. I appreciate that Sabbath is biblical, and rest is something God knew each of us would need in order to thrive. We were made for community, and setting time aside for meaningful connection with people can refuel us.

Rest may indeed mean more sleep, but it may also mean pausing to reflect on His promises and goodness. Sometimes the path to rest requires saying no to things or people. This is not simply a good idea—the Bible commends it.  Jesus modeled boundary setting with grace and dignity. He took time alone to pray and had only a few close friends.

The key to being a good friend to ourselves, both in the company of others and alone, is to guard our thoughts carefully. There are times when the dialogue between me and the whispering voice of self-condemnation in my mind are downright mean. I would never speak to a friend that way, so why do I allow such unkind banter in my mind?

When I catch myself agreeing with my own negative thoughts, I repeat God’s promises about my identity aloud. Sure, it feels ridiculous at first, but it’s undoubtedly reassuring to be awash with peaceful reminders that I am more than a conqueror (Rom. 8:37), His masterpiece (Eph. 2:10), the head and not the tail (Deut. 28:13), a child of the Most High God (Ps. 82:6), and assured of a future filled with hope (Jer. 29:11).

[Tweet “Proper self care is the bedrock to abundant living and loving others well. “]I want to live a life of love and service, and I know the only way I can do this well is to take care of myself first. It feels a little self-serving to type out those words, yet it isn’t any different than the logical safety instructions flight attendants share before takeoff: secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others. We need to be sure we have life-giving elements in place in our lives if we intend to live a life of loving others.

Melinda Mattson will follow any sign that leads to the promise of vintage décor and repurposed treasures. As a wife and mom to two dear daughters, her home is filled with equal measures of sugar and spice. She loves kindness and Jesus and is glad they’re meant to come as a package deal. She aims to embrace both with equal fervor. Melinda blogs at www.melindamattson.com.