Do You Need to Take a Vacation with God?

This might surprise you, but God told me to take a break from church.

Granted, it wasn’t as clear as that. There was no voice thundering, “Katie, I want you to take a break from church.” Sometimes I wish God’s directions would come that way, but they usually don’t.

In this instance, they came through a book, Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey. My heart seemed to beat a little faster as I read about Sarah’s journey to find Jesus in the midst of all the trappings of the church. Her story seemed similar to mine in many ways.

That stirring led me, as it usually does, into self-reflection. Who do I think Jesus is? The picture I have of him in my mind—is it correct? Am I truly in love with him?

I realized the answer to that last question was No.

So I dug deeper. I’d been attending a church with a stellar reputation for nearly three years. The worship is world-renowned. The preaching is top notch. People there seem to be in love with Jesus.

So why wasn’t I in love with Jesus too?

As I kept asking myself this, I seemed to keep hearing an answer, like a whisper in my mind: Because you aren’t in church for me.

It was painfully true.

I volunteered at church every Sunday. Very rarely did I have an opportunity to attend the service simply to be in God’s presence. I had to be “on” all the time, ready to pour out for others. I was in the services, hearing the worship and the sermon, but I wasn’t able to empty myself enough to fully engage with God.

[Tweet “God promises that we will find him when we seek him with our whole hearts (Jer. 29:13 NIV).”] Mine was a distracted heart.

The nature of my role in church was such that I felt needed, even irreplaceable. I enjoyed that feeling of significance. I got to interact with the VIPs of my church. I felt seen and special. In truth, I was serving in order to meet my needs instead of the needs of others. This realization was enough to make me start thinking about stepping back from serving.

But that wasn’t all.

I also realized that doing things for God had become my way of avoiding building a relationship with God. As long as I was at church every Sunday, doing something in service to the church, I could convince myself things were good between me and God. But they weren’t.

I had fallen out of love.

Now I know why pastors take sabbaticals. They’re opting to rest from the expectations and responsibilities of church. They’re choosing to make time for pursuing God on their own terms, for the sake of their own souls and no one else’s, for a brief period.

After a lot of reflection, I realized I needed a sabbatical. I needed a rest from the expectations of church and the pride that came with meeting them. I needed the freedom to pursue God wherever He wanted to be found: in the silence of a comfy chair and a cup of tea; in the beauty of His creation; in real, honest conversation with friends; and, yes, at church.

I excused myself from my various roles at church, found a good retreat location through AirBnB, and took some time to begin my own journey to find Jesus again.

I’m the kind of person who likes to have turn-by-turn directions for any trip she undertakes. I wanted to make a plan: pray for fifteen minutes every morning, read the Bible on every lunch break, practice each spiritual discipline twice a week. But I realized that in the end, if I made a plan, I’d wind up back where I started—doing instead of being.

So I’m shutting up and letting the Holy Spirit lead for a change. I’m learning to be okay with simply praying more rather than following a formula. I’m finding quality is better than quantity when it comes to truly studying the Bible. There are a couple of spiritual disciplines whose goals are greater intimacy with Jesus, so I’m learning how to practice them. In all of it, I’m resting in grace by relinquishing expectation.

I’m not sure how long this break will last before I find myself back at church on Sundays. But I do know this: I needed permission to step away from what was ultimately suffocating my relationship with the Lord—all the doing and the expectations from within—and breathe the fresh air of the Spirit.

Not everyone needs a sabbatical from church, and I’m not advocating that we all suddenly abandon our pews. But if you’re burned out on service, if you’ve lost touch with the real reason for church—your personal relationship with Jesus—then maybe you need a break like I did. If you feel like church has taken the place of that relationship, I’m encouraging you to seek God and ask Him if you need a breather, a little vacation, just you and Him. A time to let go of doing for a while and learn how to just be with God.

 

Katie Mumper is a daughter, sister, friend, writer, and singer. She loves Jesus, music, books, and great TV shows. Because she’s far from perfect, she is grateful for God’s grace in her life. She writes with the hope that others might be encouraged to let God make them new as well. You can read more of her work at beautyrestored.me.