When We Don’t Know As Much As We Think We Do

“You know how younger people are. I just don’t understand them, and they certainly don’t know nearly as much as they think they do.”

The courage I’d worked up in order to say hello was instantly depleted. The two women speaking, both older than me, were discussing their younger daughters. As I stood there listening, I thought I might have a few insights to offer them. I had come to this event with the hope of connecting with a few new people. I stood near the table for a moment, feeling invisible, before opting to return to my own seat. Although fear that my age alone would disqualify me in their view led to my decision to back away, the irony that I’d heard similar thoughts expressed by a group of younger individuals earlier that day wasn’t lost on me.

As a card-carrying member of Generation X, I’ve often experienced such encounters. Stuck somewhere between the Baby Boomers and the Millennials, it’s pretty easy to feel out of place in certain social circles. I’m an introvert, so socially awkward can be somewhat of a mantra for me, but these specific instances all revolved around a single, unchangeable factor: age. Too old to hang with the following generation and too young to be worthy of engagement by the previous generation. What’s a girl (or outdated woman) supposed to do?

Before you start thinking my words smack of ageism, I admit there are times I have thought or even said similar things about people of other generations. How “we” did/do things doesn’t always translate well into how “they” did/do things. At the same time, I find these thoughts, from myself and others, somewhat disheartening. [Tweet “What if we are all missing out by viewing generational distinctions as insurmountable walls?”]

An article I read a while back addressed how people experience conflict when they don’t speak the same language. Could this be a contributing factor in the “old” versus “young” standoff? You know, the Facebook posts about how this generation needs their collective butts beat because they’re so entitled? Or how the older generation needs to remit their drivers licenses and Internet privileges because their day has passed?

We show little respect and value for those who don’t fit into our given age range. Could it be that we, regardless of which side of the age line we fall on, spend too much time focusing on our differences and thereby overlook the potential we have to engage, encourage, and help one another?

Although I have friends my own age, some of my most life-giving and beneficial relationships are with those who have walked the road ahead of me. At the same time, friends who are behind me in years but ahead of me in wisdom have enhanced my life. These relationships certainly have not been without misunderstandings or conflicts. In fact, I’ve gone a few rounds with one of my dearest friends, who happens to fall ahead of me on the generational curve. Our disagreements easily could have destroyed our friendship, but for the grace of God.­ It took plenty of patience and continued engagement even when we were both ready to throw in the towel, but we remain standing together. My life simply would not be the same today without her friendship and her voice.

Perhaps, despite the complexities that can accompany generational differences, we can bridge the generational gap one relationship at a time. It may take some effort, but I think the benefits far outweigh the costs.

How has your life been enriched by intergenerational friendships?

Tara Fout is an avid reader and aspiring writer who truly enjoys her day job serving individuals with developmental disabilities. She resides in Northeast Ohio with her three children. Her articles on various forms of media can be found at hollywoodjesus.com.

Photograph by Karen Arnold.