What to Do When a Friend Betrays You

Recently, I was visiting with my niece, and our conversation turned to friendship. As we were chatting, my niece expressed disappointment in her best friend’s attitude. Her story reminded me of a similar situation I experienced with one of my own friends a few years ago. I shared my experience with my niece that day, and today I want to share it with you. If you’ve ever had to walk away from a friendship, you may find some encouragement here.

I’d thought Susannah and I were the best of friends. We were always considerate and respectful of each other’s feelings and schedules. We met for coffee at a moment’s notice just for the pleasure of hanging out together. We laughed and cried, joked and pulled silly pranks on our spouses. Her sweet, caring, and jovial personality was refreshing. She made me smile and made me feel good about myself. I hoped I reciprocated her encouraging ways.

But then something happened. One day, after she’d been away with her husband on several business trips, she called and invited me to a steak dinner. I was so excited my bestie was back. We had a lot of catching up to do.

Disappointment crushed me when I learned our steak dinner would be at a casino forty miles away. I’d never been to a casino and had no desire to become a patron. Susannah promised we were only going for a nice dinner. My stomach knotted as I began to suspect she had changed. My gut told me she wasn’t being honest. My suspicions were proven correct. When dinner was over, the slot machines were next on her agenda.

“I only want to play for a minute,” she said as she slid into the seat in front of the one-hundred dollar machine.

“I didn’t know you gambled,” I said uncomfortably. Warmth rushed to my face.

Oblivious of my disapproval, Susannah’s gaze was glued to the dancing lights and musical ringing that accompanied each pull of the handle. Her one game turned into too many to count. She was so consumed by her desire to hit the jackpot that she’d lost respect for our friendship. Each time she left her seat, a glimmer of hope rose within me, only to be doused as she borrowed cash from her credit cards to continue gambling.

After hours of pleading for her to take me home, I gave up and asked for the car keys. Sleeping in her car seemed to be my only recourse. What had happened to my friend? Had she kept this secret all along?

I prayed and fought to control my hurt. If she had only been honest with me from the start, if she hadn’t coerced me into going with her under false pretenses, the evening might have turned out differently. Weariness overpowered my tears, and I gave in to sleep.

Beams of sunlight woke me. I marched across the parking lot to the casino, furious that Susannah had betrayed our friendship, leaving me to sleep the whole night in her car. As I pushed the door open, she met me with excitement dancing in her eyes. She’d won five hundred dollars, but only after playing the hundred dollar slots all night. She didn’t see the thousands she’d lost, only the hundreds she’d won. She didn’t see the tired, disappointed friend blocking her path; she heard the music behind her and turned to go back.

I mourned Susannah’s behavior, but I couldn’t and wouldn’t support her gambling addiction. I expressed my concerns, and she grew angry, accusing me of not wanting her to have fun. Had I given in to her pleading for me to join in her new hobby, I could just as easily been consumed by glamour, lights, and musical slots.

I had a choice to make, and gambling wasn’t what I wanted for my life.

I found a new friend.

Christ calls us not to judge others, to give grace freely, and to forgive those who injure us seventy times seven. However, he also calls us to upright behavior, not to join others in their sin. Deciding to end a friendship is difficult; you may wonder if stepping away from someone who has abused your friendship is the Christlike thing to do. If that person isn’t willing to hear you and respect you, I think it’s okay to walk away. [Tweet “We don’t have to be unloving, but we do need to live with integrity.”]

“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24 NIV)

Loretta Eidson is wife to Kenneth, mother of four children, and grandmother to twelve grandchildren. After eighteen years at her church job, she resigned to pursue her love of writing. Loretta believes in the power of prayer. She enjoys dark chocolate and Starbucks coffee. You can connect with her at lorettaeidson.com.