The Hardest Person to Get Forgiveness From Might Just Be…Yourself?

I never considered myself an angry person. An emotional person, yes, but angry? Not me. However, something shifted about two years ago that made me begin to see myself as angry.

That shift was having kids.

The change didn’t take place right after giving birth. Babies can’t do much for themselves, and while they cry a lot, there is an innocence about them. It’s when toddlerhood hit and that helpless innocence faded that the anger started to surface. It came with the disrespect, the flat-out disobedience, the hitting, the tantrums, and the whining.

I’ve been calling this anger “sin” for a while now, praying for patience and trying to deal with frustrating situations better. I realize I can’t guarantee that my kids will behave, no matter how much I try to prompt them towards the right behavior, but I can control how I respond to their behavior.

The other day, I was finishing up my children’s laundry right before nap time. I’m not exactly sure why laundry is exciting to my children, but they were both right there, squeezed into our small laundry room with me. With nap time nearing, all of our attitudes were starting to spiral downward, and as my daughter spotted her favorite shirt in the dryer, she insisted on wearing it. Right that very moment.

In my logical mind, she already had clothes on, so why change? Now, if you’ve ever tried to reason with a tired three-year-old, you know that logic doesn’t work.

My daughter whined, complained, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. I finally had enough and gave in—but with anger. I raised my voice and did some huffing and puffing of my own as I quickly changed her clothes in order to be done with it.

After she got what she wanted, she went to her room. I finished the laundry and put my son down for a nap. Then I went to my daughter’s room and apologized for my anger. We hugged, and she said she forgave me like we have practiced doing whenever someone sins against us, but I still felt bad.

I laid down next to her on the bed and explained why I had been upset. I told her I was sorry again and then read a book to her. I turned off the lights and returned to sing her a song. Once again, I apologized to her. This time she turned to me with a laugh and said, “Mom, you’ve already told me sorry a hundred times. Stop saying that!”

So I did. I sang her favorite song, “Jesus Loves the Little Children” about five times and thought about the magnitude of what she had just said. She had forgiven me the first time I asked, so she didn’t understand why I kept bringing it up. She was past it, and she thought we were past it.

I wonder if that’s how God feels about us when we confess and ask for forgiveness, but never really forgive ourselves.

“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9 ESV)

“As far as the east is from the west, so far does he remove our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12 ESV)

[Tweet “I need to live with the truth in Scripture and stop asking for forgiveness a “hundred times.””]

There are times when we have to live with the repercussions of our sins. Sometimes healing still needs to take place, and I still want to pray and work on my future anger (sin), but forgiveness is not something I have to wait on or plead for from God. God freely gives it.

Satan urges us to hold onto our sins in an effort to stunt our spiritual growth, but let’s not give him that victory, no matter what the sin is.

Do you need to ask God or someone in your life for forgiveness? In what area do you need to embrace the forgiveness you’ve already been given?

Lauren Douglas is a wife and mommy to two little ones. She enjoys reading, crafting, and exercise. Most of her days start and end with coffee. She prays that her home and life are led by her faith in Christ. Lauren blogs at faithledhome.com.