Hope for the Wandering Heart

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.” Isaiah 61:1-3 (NIV)

Adulterer.

How could it be that I carried the same label as the woman in the Bible who was nearly stoned to death in front of Jesus? I was a “good church girl.” But now, facing my sin meant facing that sinful label, which in turn meant facing the reality that my circle of family and friends would see who I really was.

Broken. Hurting. Lost.

The stronghold of sexual brokenness is rooted in my childhood, but after years of counseling I had convinced myself that I was not in danger of falling into this particular sin if I just lived a worthy life.

But there’s only so long a woman can patch the hole in her identity before it needs permanent healing.

Shortly after my dreamy honeymoon, scented with sunscreen and piña coladas, I was shaken apart. Overcome by the raw nakedness of my heart, the bandage had been ripped off. I felt exposed as I wrestled with my past and with the wonderings held in the dark places of my soul.

It is in the dark that the devil does his best work. The darkness overcame me with swirling thoughts that sent me straight over the cliff where temptation—and pain—resided.

I allowed myself to wander up from my knees of worship to a standing pose of confusion. All the while I pondered: Did I marry the right man?

The enemy is cunning. His promises never fulfill the way he claims. I took the temptation he dangled in front of me, and the brokenness of my soul led to the brokenness of my marriage bed. Having taken the lure, I rejected my faith while searching for the something, the someone, better.

There is something that breaks in each of us when we allow our minds and hearts to wander to places we were never meant to go. Modern culture tells us it’s okay to take a look as long as we don’t touch. But our natural bent is always toward sin. Without wisdom girding us, we go back for seconds and thirds even when we wish we could stop.

Wandering hearts are birthed from wandering minds which are birthed from wandering eyes that linger too long.

We see—we think—we do.

Our thoughts will either deceive our sacred souls or renew our sacred souls. The power lies in the renewing of our minds, as written in Romans 12:2:

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Just three months into my marriage, now an adulterer, I agreed to walk back into church, led by the gentle hand of the man who was still proud to be called mine.

[Tweet “It’s a beautiful thing how the church of Christ was built for sinners like you and me.”]

Standing in the same church where I declared until death do us part to my high school sweetheart, I broke. The Holy Spirit allowed me to feel the crushing weight of my sin removed and God’s forgiveness received all in the same moment. It was horrific and glorious all at once. The breath from my lungs was gone, but so was the imprisoning weight of sin.

How sweet it is to trust in Jesus.

Redemption—it comes when we bow our hearts as we bow our knees.

Redemption is the greatest gift to mankind.

As the tears fell and my frail body shook, my strong husband held me. Just as Jesus is the cornerstone we stand upon, so my husband was the strength I did not have in that moment. Instead of anger, my man freely poured the grace of Jesus over me.

He whispered…You are forgiven. You are loved. You are whole. You are pure.

The beauty-grace of our story is that like Hosea in the Bible, my husband pursued me as his beloved wife while knowing the full extent of my sin. His love grew as his forgiveness deepened. Even before I asked for it. Even before I wanted it.

The beauty-grace of your story? Jesus offers the same to you.

The redemption of Jesus stretches further than our wildest dreams. He reaches down into our hearts, into our souls, and finds the places only he can touch. Our wandering thoughts, our wandering hearts, they are never too far gone for Jesus to heal.

I’ve learned that allowing our thoughts to be taken captive by Jesus allows space for him to hold us. And sweet sister, there is a deep, relentless hope in the arms of the one who has held you all along.

Wherever your wanderings might be taking you right now, will you bow your knee and take captive the things that lure you away from all God has for you? Jesus is waiting to hold you as he fills you with hope.

Chelsia Checkal is an unashamed dreamer living on grace. A recovering legalist erring on the side of love. A coffee indulger who’d delight in meeting you at a quaint cafe to talk real-life. A messy mom, wife, and free-spirited Jesus girl whose life sings a story of redemption, freedom and hope. Chelsia blogs at movewithhim.blogspot.com.