Cherishing the Beauty of Christmas with Grown-up Children

When my girls were growing up, we told them their six-foot-three father was a Christmas elf who had grown too big to live with the other elves at the North Pole. This identity was our playful explanation for their often serious daddy turning into a Christmas carol-singing, storytelling, decorating freak from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day each year. As they grew older, they were trained as assistants in the transformation process by which our home became a magical, sparkling Christmas wonderland. At our house, there is no such thing as too many lights!

In addition to elaborate Christmas decorating, beginning shortly after the football game ended on Thanksgiving, the girls were also very serious about their Christmas Eve traditions. We always attended a Christmas Eve worship service, which sometimes included the girls portraying Sheep #3 or Angel# 2 in the annual Christmas pageant. Christmas Eve also included the opening of one present each, traditionally Christmas pajamas which they would put on as soon as they tore through the carefully wrapped packages. Dressed in their new PJs, with Christmas music playing softly in the background, they would each write a letter to Santa and place it strategically next to the carefully chosen cookies and the Christmas mug of milk. With everything in its place, they would gather their things and move into my younger daughter’s room for their annual Christmas sleepover.

My daughters, now nineteen and twenty-two, have become college students who live away from home much of the year. They are young women—confident, self-reliant, intelligent, and more than a little bit sassy. They have both studied abroad for a semester and have seen more of the world than many adults twice their age. This year, my oldest is a senior, full of plans and dreams for her future. When they were home this summer, they were both so busy we often bribed them with a nice dinner out just to have the opportunity to spend time with them. While we are still involved in their lives to some degree, it is clear they are becoming more and more independent. Childhood, for the most part, is in the rear view mirror.

Except, it seems, at Christmas time. With the break between semesters falling fortuitously during the Christmas holidays, they both eagerly look
forward to being back home, nestled in the traditions of their childhood.

Last Christmas was the first year of our “empty nest” season, and having them both home for the holidays was especially sweet. I was repeatedly touched by how many of our old traditions they insisted on observing. After church on Christmas Eve, they put on their new Christmas pajamas and immediately sat down to write their letters to Santa. After placing their letters next to the cookies and milk, they ran giggling up the stairs to have their yearly sleepover—taller, funnier, smarter, and less messy versions of the little girls in my memories.

[Tweet “The process of letting go of our children is not always easy. “]Grown-up things like jobs and landlords and resumes and networking can be a little scary. Adjusting to life with an empty nest after years of full-time parenting seems a bit daunting at first. We are all learning new ways of being individuals and new ways of being a family. For the most part, these changes are positive. Conversations once characterized by to-do lists and schedule changes are now more often cozy chats about our growing interests and passions. Our relationships are much more about enjoying each other’s company when we are together, quality time highlighted by our awareness of its limited quantity. We find we are learning about things we didn’t know our daughters liked and interests we didn’t know they had.

As we figure out how to be parents of adult children and as our girls learn how to be adults, I am particularly grateful the academic calendar works out for them to be here with us for most of the Christmas season, at least for now. For just a few weeks, we get a respite from the up and down process of learning to live apart from one another and get to revisit the magical Christmases of their childhood.

And best of all, we have to wake them up on Christmas morning now! No more six a.m. wake-up calls after playing Santa until the wee hours of the morning. There are definitely many advantages to having grown-up kids!

Kelly Johnson is a counselor, writer, speaker, and advocate. She leads a weekly Bible study and serves as chair of the board of directors at a local shelter for the homeless. Married to her high school sweetheart, she is the mom of two college-age daughters. Kelly writes about life, faith, and her newly empty nest at kellyjohnsongracenotes.com.

Photograph by Jill Wellington.