By Hannah Card
You are not enough…
If they only knew…
If only my life looked like…
This is how it starts. These statements are the beginning of many of my internal battles. It is exhausting. I long more than anything to be a woman who’s steadfast, unswerving in her identity, and serving Christ with all that she is. And yet I struggle. These thoughts pop up, and Satan fuels the fire with his lies. Soon I am sulking in self-pity, jealousy, and anger.
If I am honest, I have a lifelong pattern of listening to these lies. They have become familiar friends.
I am not enough. If only I did more, I would be worth more. If I were thinner and prettier, if I were in a relationship, if I got that promotion, then I could cease striving.
Her goodness and success minimizes mine. This is the comparison trap so many of us fall prey to. What can I do to be more like her? Her success will make me look like a failure. Diminishing her value will build my own.
All love for me is conditional. If they only knew, if they saw everything about me, it would all come crashing down. No one loves me for the true me. Keep pretending; be the person they like.
God will not fulfill His promises; He wants something other than my good. My situation looks nothing like my plans. God is leading me astray. I can control my life. The outcome is better in my hands. God is not safe.
These are the thoughts that keep me up at night. The thoughts that drive a wedge into my relationship with the Lord. It is these little seeds of doubt that flourish into anger and a belief that God is not entirely good.
These are the lies Satan speaks over my life, and maybe over yours as well. The dangerous part is that I begin to agree with them. I slowly write a narrative of these lies over my own life. It is not until they are faced with light and truth that they disappear.
When darkness and light meet, the light always wins.
Perhaps this is why God is referred to as “the Father of the heavenly lights” (James 1:17 NIV). He is the light. He eradicates the darkness and puts an end to the lies.
It is this verse that enables me to vanquish my fears about who God is:
“Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17 NIV).
Did you catch that? He desires to give us good and perfect gifts, not cheap counterfeits. Not lies. He is constant. His voice of truth never changes. It is when I fix my eyes on His voice that He writes a new narrative on my heart.
In Me, you are always enough. You are a redeemed daughter of the King. “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine” (Isaiah 43:1 NIV).
Having found your worth in Me, you can rejoice in her success. I am a God of abundance, of great grace, never scarcity. The way you celebrate with those whom I love says much about the depth of your love for me.
Nothing will ever separate you from My love. You do not deserve it and you cannot earn it, but I have always loved you and I always will. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels, nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39 NIV).
I am a good, good father and I am working for your good. “You are good, and what you do is good” (Psalm 119:68 NIV).
These are the truths by which I want to live my life. It is these realities about both who God is, and who I am in Him, which allow me to love people well, to serve God freely, and to shake off the chains of bondage.
The load is lighter on this side, friends.
Hannah Card is a wonderer and a wanderer. She is a southern-speakin’, Jesus-lovin’ coffee consumer who writes about life, whether pretty or messy (usually leaning toward messy). She is the daughter of two amazing, brave, church planting Jesus followers, the sister of an amazing worship pastor, and a lover of Jesus. She blogs at thissweetlybrokenlife.com.